Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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