i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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