trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I look better un-naked...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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