she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
