my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
