he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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