yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
