Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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