Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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