well you can't waste a boner
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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