I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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