I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
