We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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