new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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