How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
