Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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