I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
pray to the hookup gods
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
