It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
