this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
