my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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