Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
