I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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