Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The air was thick with penises
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize