I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
