explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
