Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
