Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
