I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
