You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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