Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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