i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
