She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
