if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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