If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
