i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
