dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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