Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
pray to the hookup gods
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
