My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i will never coherently bang her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
