...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize