you would pick up someone in the library
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
