so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
