Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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