I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
