elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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