dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Someone signed my nipple.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
