That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
