The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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