I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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