I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize