is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
