you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
