So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
