I love black thongs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
