I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
