I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
