FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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