I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
