Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
