If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
