I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
