I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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