I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
