Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
