i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
