so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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