I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
