i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
