if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
