I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
