he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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