is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
