this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize