That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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