You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
