on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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