Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
