Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Randomize