I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
