i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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