oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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