well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
