Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
