Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
