Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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