i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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