hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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