Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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