in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
