he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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