Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
