I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
