I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize