of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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