When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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