i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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