What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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