they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
