i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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