Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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