Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
