What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
