well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
