if only i could text you this smell
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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