I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
