So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
