why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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