she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
