im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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