you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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