i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
