just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Will exercising make me less horny?
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