he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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