i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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