Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
