to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
