I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
