He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
