I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
