It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
