YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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