is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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