Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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