She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
